Saying Goodbye

Grief isn't something I do outwardly. I don't post about it on social media, I don't write about it anywhere. I don't even talk to my friends about it. When I was still with my husband, I didn't even share with him the feelings I dealt with after the passings of a few close family members. It's just not something I handle well or am open to sharing about.


Alexia and I blogged together since the end of 2015, but she was my friend for longer. She saw me through so many struggles. She was someone I could count on to always be there for me. I think she touched a lot of lives that way. She was just so thoughtful and so kind and so giving. Even when she herself was struggling, Alexia was there for her friends as a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear. She embodied what it means to be a good friend. One of the last times we talked it was her reaching out to lift me up through this trying time with my family. She was always, always there for me.


After three years of blogging together, this space is just as much hers as it is mine. Her voice and her opinions and her ideas color this space thoroughly; it's impossible to be here and not think of her. I had almost all of June scheduled and ready to go but I had to take the posts down because it feels so wrong to keep writing here when Alexia can't anymore.


I thought about taking the blog down, but I couldn't do that either. So I'm leaving it up.


If you want to follow me on my new blog, my social media will have posts with the relevant info.


I still just cannot believe she's gone. Writing these words doesn't make it any easier to process. How can such a strong, shining light just... go out? It doesn't make sense to me. I know this isn't articulate and I do usually try to be clearer and more organized than this but I can't. I just wish this wasn't true.