Book Review: Our Year of Maybe by Rachel Lynn Solomon

Book Title & Author: Our Year of Maybe by Rachel Lynn Solomon
Published by: Simon Pulse on January 15th, 2019
Genre: Contemporary
Pages: 384
Format: eARC
Source: Publisher
Goodreads
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Synopsis: 
From the author of You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone comes a stunning contemporary novel that examines the complicated aftermath of a kidney transplant between best friends.

Aspiring choreographer Sophie Orenstein would do anything for Peter Rosenthal-Porter, who’s been on the kidney transplant list as long as she’s known him. Peter, a gifted pianist, is everything to Sophie: best friend, musical collaborator, secret crush. When she learns she’s a match, donating a kidney is an easy, obvious choice. She can’t help wondering if after the transplant, he’ll love her back the way she’s always wanted.

But Peter’s life post-transplant isn’t what either of them expected. Though he once had feelings for Sophie too, he’s now drawn to Chase, the guitarist in a band that happens to be looking for a keyboardist. And while neglected parts of Sophie’s world are calling to her—dance opportunities, new friends, a sister and niece she barely knows—she longs for a now-distant Peter more than ever, growing increasingly bitter he doesn’t seem to feel the same connection.

Peter fears he’ll forever be indebted to her. Sophie isn’t sure who she is without him. Then one blurry, heartbreaking night twists their relationship into something neither of them recognizes, leading them to question their past, their future, and whether their friendship is even worth fighting for.

Review:
I was really nervous about this book because my feelings about Solomon's debut were so conflicting, but I always give authors a second or even third chance and in this case, I am really glad I did. I still had some conflicted feelings about this book, but overall, I enjoyed this more than I enjoyed the author's debut and that to me, says that the author has grown as a writer since her first book came out.

I was fully expecting to relate more to Peter. We both have chronic illnesses (though his is his kidneys and mine is my heart) and he's bisexual. Wait, before I continue on, I want to massively praise Solomon for making Peter bisexual. There aren't enough bisexual boys in books and I really hope that changes. Well, I want more bisexual characters period, but definitely more bisexual boys please. I also liked that Peter was Jewish. I've actually looked into converting to Judaism in the past 6 months or so, so I was really excited to see how Peter dealt with it.

Sophie is also Jewish, but she's more into the Jewish religion than Peter's family is. Sophie's the reason I had such complicated feelings about this book. Being willing to donate an organ is a big freaking thing and I don't want to discount that at all because her willingness to do that was totally awesome. But I had a nagging feeling that the only reason she was doing this was so Peter would magically fall in love with her and all her pining away for him would not be in vain. 

I had a strong suspicion that what Sophie desperately wanted was not going to happen. Especially once Peter met Chase. I think I might be in love with Peter and Chase as a couple. Their first kiss was probably my favorite first kiss this year. It was perfection and I could not stop smiling. These two are definitely on my shortlist for favorite literary couple of the year.

Sophie's attitude towards Peter's new life was really bothersome to me. I understood that she felt left out of stuff, but Peter had finally gotten a kidney and his life didn't have to be so sedentary anymore. Sophie should have been thrilled about that, but instead she pouts and whines about how Peter never has time for her anymore and that his new friends are more important than she is. Really, she should have taken the opportunity to develop new friends, new routines and new activities, and to some extent she does, but never without wondering where Peter is and why he is doing whatever he's doing.

I wish I could remember who called their relationship codependent, because it was and I had been trying to put my finger on the correct word for the majority of the book. Sophie and Peter's friendship was very codependent and after he got his transplant, Peter seemed a lot more willing to break free of it than Sophie was.

I wish we had seen more of Sophie's sister, Tabby because in a lot of ways, Tabby was a lot more grown up, responsible & mature than her older sister Sophie was. Granted that probably had to do with getting pregnant at fifteen. Tabby's situation, while not uncommon, seemed a little too idyllic, and not representative of a lot of families. She was very lucky to have the support of her family, her baby's father and his family.

Final thoughts: This book packed a lot into it, but it was done really well and I look forward to seeing what Solomon writes next.

Book Review: Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein

Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein
Published on February 6th, 2012 by Egmont Press
Genre: Historical Fiction
Pages: 338
Format: Paperback
Source: Purchased
Goodreads
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Oct. 11th, 1943 - A British spy plane crashes in Nazi-occupied France. Its pilot and passenger are best friends. One of the girls has a chance at survival. The other has lost the game before it's barely begun.

When "Verity" is arrested by the Gestapo, she's sure she doesn't stand a chance. As a secret agent captured in enemy territory, she's living a spy's worst nightmare. Her Nazi interrogators give her a simple choice: reveal her mission or face a grisly execution.

As she intricately weaves her confession, Verity uncovers her past, how she became friends with the pilot Maddie, and why she left Maddie in the wrecked fuselage of their plane. On each new scrap of paper, Verity battles for her life, confronting her views on courage and failure and her desperate hope to make it home. But will trading her secrets be enough to save her from the enemy?

Harrowing and beautifully written, Elizabeth Wein creates a visceral read of danger, resolve, and survival that shows just how far true friends will go to save each other. Code Name Verity is an outstanding novel that will stick with you long after the last page.

KISS ME, HARDY! Kiss me, QUICK!

Sounds like a load of nonsense, but it's a phrase that will forever ring in my ears and bring me to a blubbering mess. One of those phrases that mean basically nothing outside of the context in which it was said. But ask anyone who's read Code Name Verity and they probably won't be able to answer you because they'll be on the floor in a puddle of their own tears.

I don't read a lot of WWII fiction. I can really count on one hand the ones I have. And it's not because I don't think it's important to know the history and to hear these voices; it's just really, really hard. There is nothing pleasant, nothing redeeming about this time period and all and it always leaves me with a heavy heart for days on end. That's why it took me so long to finally read Code Name Verity. Not because I didn't think it would be excellent, but because I was afraid of what it would do to me.

Reader, it destroyed me.

If you haven't read this book yet, you might want to click out now. Because there are going to be a lot of spoilers in this review, enough that it will be a pain to hide them, so I won't. I just need to air my feelings about the beauty, the complexity, and the genius in this book. It's smart. So fucking smart. Clever. A book that has details hidden in code hidden in details. A book that demands to be reread as soon as you close the back cover. I can't wait to be in the headspace to read this again, knowing what I know. It's that good.

First, the obvious: I fucking love Verity. She will go down as one of my all-time favorite characters.  I have to say, I wasn't sure about her at first. She's writing her confession as though it were a novel, and from Maddie's point of view, which made it even weirder to get used to. But I think the way she built Maddie up as a hero in her head really spoke to the devotion between these two girls. They practically worshiped one another. They would, and have, put their lives on the line for one another. Code Name Verity might be a book about aviation and war and espionage, but most importantly it is a book about friendship. And Verity is the best fucking friend anyone could ask for.

Verity is also scary smart. Terrifyingly smart. I wouldn't want her as an enemy. It doesn't become clear until the second half of the book exactly how smart she is, but holy shit. Elizabeth Wein is a genius. I didn't see it coming at all that Maddie would be alive. I was shocked. After Verity's confession comes Maddie's half of the story, after crash-landing in France and going into hiding. She's been alive this whole time, and I ended part 1 feeling so hopeless! But Maddie's appearance gave me a renewed sense of energy and zeal for reading, especially considering every new sentence was a revelation!

I couldn't believe what I was reading. It was like Verity's point of view was written in code and Maddie's was the key to unlock it. Every single detail of Verity's chapters mattered in a wholly new way than I was expecting. Verity was trapped, imprisoned by Nazis and hanging on to life by a thread. But she used the limited tools and resources she had to give her friends and the resistance a fighting chance. She gave them the information they needed to take down the Gestapo HQ, to burn that hotel to the fucking ground, to locate what they needed without getting caught. And she did it all right in front of the Nazi bastards without ever raising suspicion. It was incredible. I've never read anything like it in my life and I don't think I ever will again.

So after getting Wein's genius pounded into my head with a blunt hammer, it was time to get to the Tragedy.

There was a moment of foreshadowing at the very beginning of the book. I highlighted it, sent it to my group chat, and kept reading, all the while keeping it in the very back of my mind. Later, I was convinced that there was HOPE and there would be a glorious reunion and everything would be great. I had been duped. When I say that Verity and Maddie would do anything for one another, I really, really mean it. There are really no words to describe what I was feeling when Verity heard Maddie crying and yelled out her last words. There was nothing I could have done to prepare myself for it and there's nothing to be done make me feel better either. Even Maddie's revenge didn't help, not really. (Though knowing von Linden's fate was a bit of a balm.) I even had a moment of not believing it, having learned that everything written in this book could, in fact, be a lie or be code for something else. But no. It happened. And I'll never recover.

So much of Code Name Verity was unexpected. Every detail of Verity's career was a new revelation. Every truth that Maddie pulled from the pile of lies disguised as a confession. The beautiful and tender moments between friends. The humor. The insanity of the characters--truly some of the most relatable characters ever to grace the pages of a war story. I loved every mad, endearing, sincere, frightening, and harrowing page of this book. I'm sorry this couldn't have been a more structured, review-like review, but there are too many feelings and my mind is in pieces.

Book Review: And She Was by Jessica Verdi

Book Title & Author: And She Was by Jessica Verdi
Published by: Scholastic on March 27th, 2018
Genre: Contemporary
Pages: 361
Format: eARC
Source: Publisher
Goodreads
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Synopsis: Dara’s lived a sheltered life with her single mom, Mellie. Now, at eighteen, she’s dreaming of more. When Dara digs up her never-before-seen birth certificate, her world implodes. Why are two strangers listed as her parents? 

Dara confronts her mother, and is stunned by what she learns: Mellie is transgender. The unfamiliar name listed under “father”? That’s Mellie. She transitioned when Dara was a baby, shortly after Dara’s birth mother died.

But Dara still has more questions than answers. Reeling, she sets off on a road trip with her best guy friend, Sam. She's determined to find the extended family she’s never met. What she discovers—and what her mother reveals, piece by piece over emails—will challenge and change Dara more than she can imagine. 

From rising star Jessica Verdi, this is a gorgeous, timely, and essential novel about the importance of being our true selves.

Review:
I just love Jessica Verdi's books. I've been a fan of hers since I started blogging and have read the last 3 of her books, including this one, in ARC form. She just has this ability to write diverse stories with diverse settings & interesting characters and this book was no different.

June was the perfect month to read this book because of course it's Pride Month. I was excited to dive into this book and really see what happened with Mellie & her eventual transition and what happened with Dara's biological mother. I wanted to see how Dara found out and how she would react to the news.

Dara frustrated me a lot of the time. She took it so personally that Mellie never told her about her past. She was so angry with her mother and that really bothered me. I know Dara was only eighteen, but compassion and empathy go a long way. Dara frequently stated that her mother was selfish for never disclosing this earth-shattering secret, but Dara herself was being selfish with her insistence that her mother lied to her about her whole life, never even thinking about what the past eighteen plus years had been like for Mellie. She was just so angry with Mellie for "lying" to her, but like Mellie told her, it's not a crime to not come out as trans. It's not Dara who gets to decide who knows about Mellie's transition. It's Mellie.

I had issues with the budding romance between Dara & Sam. I liked them so much better as just friends. Their romance seemed forced to me, and I didn't see a whole lot of chemistry between them. I do think the book would have been stronger without the romance subplot. I did like how Sam called her out on her attitude and then later corrected people who misgendered her mother. Sam seemed to understand the trans issues a lot better than Dara did, and he seemed more willing to learn about than than Dara was.

I loved the emails about Mellie's past that she sent to Dara while Dara & Sam were on the quest to find Dara's biological maternal grandparents. I felt like that gave an extra something to the book rather than just having Mellie explain everything at the kitchen table or something as equally cliche. 

After awhile, the reasons Mellie distanced herself & Dara from both sides of the family became abundantly clear and even Dara couldn't argue with them. There were parts that I was horrified over, sickened over and downright angry about. But, to Mellie's credit, she let Dara figure it out on her own and that allowed her to form her own opinions.

Final thoughts: A book about a trans parent is so rare in the world, and I really wish there were more of them, but this is a start. Pick up this book if you are looking for a book about a trans parent or if you just want a really good book that tackles important issues head on.

Book Review: Monday's Not Coming by Tiffany D. Jackson

Book Title: Monday's Not Coming by Tiffany D. Jackson
Published by: Katherine Tegen Books on May 22nd, 2018
Genres: Contemporary
Pages: 448
Format: eARC
Source: Publisher
Goodreads
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A gripping, relentless, and timely new novel from critically acclaimed author of Allegedly, Tiffany D. Jackson, about the complex mystery of one teenage girl’s disappearance and the traumatic effects of the truth.

Monday Charles is missing, and only Claudia seems to notice. Claudia and Monday have always been inseparable—more sisters than friends. So when Monday doesn’t turn up for the first day of school, Claudia’s worried. When she doesn’t show for the second day, or second week, Claudia knows that something is wrong. Monday wouldn’t just leave her to endure tests and bullies alone. Not after last year’s rumors and not with her grades on the line. Now Claudia needs her best—and only—friend more than ever. But Monday’s mother refuses to give Claudia a straight answer, and Monday’s sister April is even less help.

As Claudia digs deeper into her friend’s disappearance, she discovers that no one seems to remember the last time they saw Monday. How can a teenage girl just vanish without anyone noticing that she’s gone?

Review: I fell head over heels in love with Allegedly last year, so I couldn't wait to read Jackson's newest release. I originally didn't even have it on my schedule for March, but when a fellow blogger raved about it, I asked her if I should move it to my March TBR and she told me I should. So I did. I don't generally do things other people tell me to, but I trust this blogger's opinion and she knows me & my tastes.

Quite honestly, I struggled with this one at first. I was prepared to feel sympathy for Claudia and anger at Monday who seemed to have vanished from Claudia's life, but I couldn't feel those things. Claudia drove me absolutely bananas and I kept wanting her to stop clinging to Monday. I actually felt sorrier for Monday because she had a bad home life and she had a needy clingy best friend. I understood Monday just a bit more than I understood Claudia. I had been in Monday's shoes with the clingy best friend and it was not easy at all and I always felt frustrated with her because I never felt like I could do my own thing. So to have Monday just vanish from Claudia's life sounds harsh, but I would have given anything to be able to do that.

Claudia was desperate to be anywhere that Monday was going to be and that extended to high school. Monday wanted to go to Banneker, so of course Claudia wanted to go there. Even if that meant continuing to cheat on her assignments. Now, I'm not gonna say I never cheated on an assignment, because I did and I fully admit it, but the way Claudia went about it and for as long as she went about it, drove me insane. All because of Monday.

"We aint gonna get into Banneker if they put you in the stupid people class." Monday

So Monday wasn't really a good friend to Claudia either, and that pissed me off. Instead of supporting her, she was both enabling and belittling her. Claudia had learning problems and to see her struggling so much just stabbed me in the feels. I know too many people who struggled with learning problems for me not to be affected.

Claudia's obsession with Monday drove me bonkers. Wait, did I say that already? Oooops. Anyway, she wanted to do everything Monday did. Even wanted to do homeschooling because that's what she heard Monday was doing, At least her mom had a good head on her shoulders.

"If Monday jumped off a bridge, would you want to do that too?" Claudia's mom

Claudia also seemed really obsessed with Monday's siblings, especially her two younger siblings, Tuesday and August. A big part of it was probably that Claudia was an only child and her mother had gone through multiple miscarriages. Definitely sad, but like Monday said,

"He's not your brother." Monday

All of Claudia's eggs seemed to be in one basket, Monday's and just like it drove me bonkers, it was clear that it was starting to drive her parents bonkers too. It was also bugging Monday's older sister, April who had some truth bombs to launch onto Claudia on several different nights.

There were two sides to Monday's mom, Patti: There was the side that everyone outside the house saw, and there was the side that only people she allowed into her house, saw. On the outside, she seemed like a decent woman, one who wanted to interfere in a family's private business because there was clear abuse in the home. She was so convinced the abused woman was going to be killed and Claudia's mother could not convince her otherwise. But on the inside, she was a mean woman who really didn't seem to care too much about her kids. Always yelling & hurting them in different ways.

I loved Michael. He seemed like a good guy, someone Claudia definitely needed in the wake of Monday's disappearance. He cared about her and he was concerned about her. He was just a genuinely good guy. It didn't hurt that her parents liked him too. Michael fixed stuff around her house that her parents hadn't made a priority to fix. He too, launched some truth bombs on Claudia, albeit in a much nicer way.

"That don't mean she's your friend too, Claudia."  Michael

And he was right. Just because Monday was her friend, that didn't mean April was also her friend.

We didn't really learn the truth until about 80% of the way through the book and I just remember my heart shattering into a billion pieces. We didn't get just one devastating truth, we got several and then we knew the web of lies that were concocted in order to hide the devastating truth.

Final thoughts: This book started out a bit rocky, but it ended up wrecking me, probably beyond repair.

Book Review: Relative Strangers by Paula Garner

Relative Strangers by Paula Garner
Published by Candlewick Press on April 10th, 2018
Genre: Contemporary
Pages: 368
Format: eARC
Source: Publisher
Goodreads
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Synopsis: Why is there a gap in Jules’s baby album? A wry and poignant coming-of-age novel about finding the truth in lies, salvaging hope in heartbreak, and making peace with missing pieces.

Eighteen-year-old Jules has always wished for a close-knit family. She never knew her father, and her ex-addict mother has always seemed more interested in artistic endeavors than in bonding with her only daughter. Jules’s life and future look as flat and unchanging as her small Illinois town. Then a simple quest to find a baby picture for the senior yearbook leads to an earth-shattering discovery: for most of the first two years of her life, Jules lived in foster care. Reeling from feelings of betrayal and with only the flimsiest of clues, Jules sets out to learn the truth about her past. What she finds is a wonderful family who loved her as their own and hoped to adopt her — including a now-adult foster brother who is overjoyed to see his sister again. But as her feelings for him spiral into a devastating, catastrophic crush — and the divide between Jules and her mother widens — Jules finds herself on the brink of losing everything.

Review:
I don't know what I was expecting from this book. I was expecting to love it, but I know I wasn't expecting to be sobbing a very high percentage of the time it took me to read it. I made a mistake taking the book with me when I knew I was going to wait around for a bit. And I achieved a kinda weird goal: To be reading a book & sobbing publicly. 

Because this book...well it gutted me. In ways her debut, Phantom Limbs didn't. Phantom Limbs made me cry, but Relative Strangers made me bawl like a starving infant pretty much through the entire book. I found myself relating to Jules and I honestly wasn't expecting that. I was expecting to like her, but relate to her? Nah.

But I felt like I was hit with a Mac truck when I realized that I, too have gaps in my family. I mean, I always knew I did, but to feel it slap me in the face like that was startling. I actually have a bit more family than Jules did and I was never in foster care, but like Jules, my father and his side of the family are still a giant mystery to me. Unlike Jules, my mom and I have a great relationship, but I sometimes wonder if it's hard for her to look at me because I look so much like my father...er...sperm donor sounds more accurate.

Like Jules' mother, Abby, my own mom had addiction problems and she too stopped when she found out I was on the way. See, a lot of similarities between my mom & I and Jules and Abby.

Jules had some great friends to turn to when things blow up between her and her mom. Eli, her out and proud co-worker who was also a rat owner. I swear, every time the rats came up, I shivered. I don't generally mind rats, but when you're eleven and see a decapitated rat behind your refrigerator, that sticks with you. My heart broke when I learned that his mother had died when he was little. I couldn't imagine losing my mom. 

Jules also had Gab, a fierce friend and who she had gone to many Jewish celebrations with, including Gab's bat mitzvah. They had been friends since they were both six years old. Gab was more of a risk taker than Jules and definitely more than the third member of the trio.

She also had Leila, the aformentioned third member of the trio. Leila was aggravatingly judgy, especially towards Gab, but we do learn something about the complex nature of their friendship that makes it harder to judge.

Both Gab & Leila had a "normal" family and Jules was often jealous of that. I understood that. Even though my mom and I have always been close, I wanted something a bit more normal too.

As much as I loved the complexity of the relationship between Jules and her mom, what really broke me was the Margolis clan. They really loved her and more than anything, they wanted to add her to their family. Tiny Jules called Mrs. Margolis, Mima, close to Mama, but not quite Mama and Mr. Margolis was called Buddy. And Luke, their son, Jules called him Duke. 

Every time I read about how much they had loved Jules, I sobbed. I couldn't help but think about my dad's family. If they had thought about me as much as the Margolises had thought about Jules. If they missed me at all. I felt things, a lot of things the first time Jules met Mima. Ugh, I cannot believe how beautiful this moment was. They had saved home videos of Jules from the year and a half she lived with them and I sobbed through that part too.

Told you I cried a LOT.

They had so many beautiful memories of Jules when she was little and it just broke my heart. While I know I was supposed to be glad Jules's mother had gotten herself together and had gotten Jules back, my heart was shattered beyond recognition at the realization that she had also been loved by the Margolises. And then, all that did was make me wonder some more about my dad's family. I've met some of them as an adult, but the entire time I was reading this book, I wondered if I had written them off too soon because I wanted to remain loyal to my mom.

The thing with Luke was weird. He had grown up in a "normal" family and had always considered Jules a sister. That's why, when things go too far between them, everything is just decimated. Jules blurred the lines between family & something more. Probably because things between her and her mom were always blurry.

Final thoughts: Read this book if you like stories with complex characters, and examples of different types of families.