Book Review: Bloom

Bloom by Kevin Panetta and Savanna Ganucheau
Published by First Second on February 12th, 2019
Genre: Graphic Novel, Contemporary
Format: ARC
Source: Publisher
Pages: 368
Goodreads
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Now that high school is over, Ari is dying to move to the big city with his ultra-hip band―if he can just persuade his dad to let him quit his job at their struggling family bakery. Though he loved working there as a kid, Ari cannot fathom a life wasting away over rising dough and hot ovens. But while interviewing candidates for his replacement, Ari meets Hector, an easygoing guy who loves baking as much as Ari wants to escape it. As they become closer over batches of bread, love is ready to bloom . . . that is, if Ari doesn’t ruin everything.

Writer Kevin Panetta and artist Savanna Ganucheau concoct a delicious recipe of intricately illustrated baking scenes and blushing young love, in which the choices we make can have terrible consequences, but the people who love us can help us grow.

This was damn near perfection!

So I actually received this book from Fierce Reads all the way back in October. Greetings from past Bekka! I read this the very next day after getting it and it was so, so great. Funny, endearing, full of heart, I recommend it to literally anyone.

Ari is stuck in the age old battle of dreams vs familial obligation. His parents own a bakery and the business isn't doing so well. He feels lots of pressure to stick around and help his family's business. But in his heart, he longs to move to the city with his friends and band-mates and strike out on his own as a musician. There's a lot of tension between Ari and his father in particular. I think the author managed to capture that feeling so well and make it so relatable. Maybe we don't all have family businesses at stake but I do think a lot of know what it's like to want something different for yourself than your parents may have imagined. Then comes Hector, who is in the area because his grandmother recently passed and he is tasked with the job of cleaning out and selling her house. While he's there, he takes a job at the bakery to potentially replace Ari, if Ari ever actually gets it together enough to move.

I loved their relationship. It gave me exactly all the warm, fuzzy, shippy feelings that I needed. They are so, so cute together. What I really loved was how Hector sort of challenged Ari. Despite what Ari thinks, he kind of has it easy in almost all areas of life. But Hector isn't here for the entitlement. And he also isn't here for Ari being a jackass to fit in with his jackass friends. Ari's relationship with Hector helps him grow into a much, much better person. Not that he was terrible or anything, but he was insecure and had a lot of growing to do. And I just loved Hector himself. He was just so free with his heart, welcoming anyone in. He was such a good friend to everyone he knew. And he was wholly himself, secure in the best way possible. When shit hit the fan, as it inevitably does with romcoms, I was heartbroken for him. For the entire cast, honestly. I was even surprised at my depth of feelings for Ari's dad.

I had a few minor quibbles, though. First, while I loved the art and the spare, light blue color palette, I thought Hector's illustrations were a little inconsistent. He looked very different from one frame to the next, and it happened pretty often. I recognized him because he had darker skin and a certain hair texture. Speaking of the hair texture, there was a character who appeared for no more than 5 pages maximum, but he was drawn with one thousand times the amount of detail that Hector was given. Justice for Hector please. I also thought the ending was a bit rushed. I would have gladly read 100 more pages to get the pacing right.

Seriously, though, this book is my happy place. In the last year or so, First Second has been hitting the nail right on the head with adorable, happy-making graphic novels. This romance, born over kneading bread and icing cupcakes, is just another in a long list of faves from them. It's a romance, it's coming of age, it's a story about family and friendship and growing up. There's something here for everyone and I highly recommend it.

Book Review: A Danger to Herself and Others by Alyssa Sheinmel

Book Title & Author: A Danger to Herself and Others by Alyssa Sheinmel
Published by: Sourcebooks Fire on February 5th, 2019
Genre: Contemporary
Pages: 352
Format: eARC
Source: Publisher
Goodreads
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Synopsis: Only when she’s locked away does the truth begin to escape… 

Four walls. One window. No way to escape. Hannah knows there's been a mistake. She didn't need to be institutionalized. What happened to her roommate at her summer program was an accident. As soon as the doctors and judge figure out that she isn't a danger to herself or others, she can go home to start her senior year. In the meantime, she is going to use her persuasive skills to get the staff on her side.

Then Lucy arrives. Lucy has her own baggage. And she may be the only person who can get Hannah to confront the dangerous games and secrets that landed her in confinement in the first place.

Review:
I was really curious about this book just based off the synopsis alone. I have a weird fascination with mental health institutions. I was definitely hopeful that I would enjoy this book, but considering I've DNFed a previous book by this author, I was also very apprehensive. That feeling did not last long as I was hooked almost immediately. Love that feeling! 

2019 is going to be an amazing year for YA. I'm writing this review in September and I've already read 3 2019 books and all of them have been awesome & have exceeded my expectations. Immediately upon picking up this book, my brain started to question things and I questioned things throughout the entire book. Was it really an accident? Was Hannah really as smart as she was portrayed? And what about her parents? Were they really as disinterested in her as they appeared to be? And the most important & broadest question: What the hell was going on?

Hannah struck me as very odd. Especially when it came to her talking about Agnes & Jonah. She seemed to have every excuses in the book about her betraying her friend for a boy. I struggled to feel anything but contempt for her. How could she rationalize what she and Jonah were doing to Agnes? See, told you there were questions all through this book. I love books that have me questioning everything at every little turn.

Hannah was labeled "A danger to herself and others" on the paperwork when she was admitted into the institution, which of course lead me to believe that they didn't believe the incident was an accident. Because of her label, Hannah was allowed no privileges. She was in solitary confinement and the only time she seemed to have people in her room was when the doctor, Lightfoot, Hannah called her, came into the room. The doctor was usually accompanied by a man named Stephen. Honestly, I kept expecting Hannah to explode and rage out on Stephen.

And then there was Lucy. She was fascinating for more than one reason. I found her as captivating as Hannah, but I didn't feel nearly the amount of contempt for her as I felt for Hannah. Lucy was there for her own reasons, reasons I suspected early on. She didn't seem afraid of Hannah, which struck me as odd. Maybe she didn't know the reason Hannah was there.

This book was so creepy and captivating. It actually reminded me a lot of Girl, Interrupted, which I loved. A book like this has to be character heavy, which this one was. I wanted just a bit more character development for all of them. I wanted more specifically for Hannah's parents, who seemed very child-centered at first, but then as certain things unfolded, I realized they were pretty distant parents.

Final thoughts: If you want a book where you'll be questioning everything, all the time, pick this book up next month.

Blog Tour: How She Died, How I Lived by Mary Crockett

 

Hi guys, and welcome to our tour stop for How She Died, How I Lived by Mary Crockett. I am super excited to be on the blog tour for this book. Sit back, read my review and don't forget to add this book to your Goodreads shelves. Oh, and don't forget to enter the giveaway below!

Book Details
Title: HOW SHE DIED, HOW I LIVED

Author: Mary Crockett

Pub. Date: November 13, 2018

Publisher: Little, Brown Books for Young Readers 

Formats: Hardcover, Paperback, eBook, audiobook

Pages: 416
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Find it: Goodreads, Amazon, Audible, B&N, iBooks, TBD

Synopsis: I was one of five. The five girls Kyle texted that day. The girls it could have been. Only Jamie--beautiful, saintly Jamie--was kind enough to respond. And it got her killed.

On the eve of Kyle's sentencing a year after Jamie's death, all the other "chosen ones" are coping in various ways. But our tenacious narrator is full of anger, stuck somewhere between the horrifying past and the unknown future as she tries to piece together why she gets to live, while Jamie is dead.

Now she finds herself drawn to Charlie, Jamie's boyfriend--knowing all the while that their relationship will always be haunted by what-ifs and why-nots. Is hope possible in the face of such violence? Is forgiveness? How do you go on living when you know it could have been you instead?

Book Review
I wasn't sure what to expect with this book. It looked interesting and like one I would enjoy, but I wasn't sold on it immediately. My reading has been non-existent this month, so I was worried that the first book I read this month would be a disappointment. I wasn't expecting a book like this. Sure parts of it were dark and sad, but it was also full of forgiveness and realizing that it was okay to live life like normal and be happy that you were still alive.

I've dealt with what is called "survivor's guilt" myself, so I understood our main character and her struggle with it. She was one of a handful of girls the homicidal maniac texted on the day he eventually killed Jamie. How could she not feel so much guilt for still being alive when sweet Jamie was dead? I could not even imagine what she went through, knowing that if she had just met up with Kyle Paxton when he asked, she would be the dead one. Not Jamie.

Our main character goes through a lot of conflicting emotions in this book and Crockett does an awesome job at showing us, rather than telling us. As the reader, I could see our main character going through so much, along with the other girls. The only other one that we get to know really well is Lindsay, and I really liked her. Her home life & parental involvement was a sharp contrast to our main character. Lindsay's mother was barely around and I couldn't imagine going through all of this and not having the parental support. At least our main character had support from her parents.

I was not sure how I'd feel about our main character's romance with Jamie's boyfriend. I was worried our main character was going to be hurt by him. I was also worried that it would be toxic & troubling because both Charlie and our main character had been through so much since that fateful day. I actually really liked them together. Sure, Charlie pulled disappearing acts sometimes, but he always came back.

The only thing I would say this book needed was a bit more character development for the secondary characters. Our main character, Charlie and Lindsay were all developed well, but the rest of them could definitely have had more development. Overall, this book was really good, definitely a "quiet YA" that YA contemporary lovers need to read.

About the Author

A native of the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia, Mary grew up as the youngest of six children in a family of misfits. She has worked as everything from a history museum director to a toilet seat hand model.

In her other life, she's an award-winning poet and teaches creative writing at Roanoke College in Virginia.

If you tweet at her, chances are she will tweet back.

Website | Twitter | Facebook | Instagram | Tumblr | Pinterest |  Goodreads

Giveaway

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Tour Schedule

Week One:

11/12/2018- Here's to Happy Endings- Review

11/13/2018- A Dream Within A Dream- Review

11/14/2018- Novel Novice- Excerpt

11/15/2018- Bri's Book Nook- Review

11/16/2018- Pretty Deadly Reviews- Review

Week Two:

11/19/2018- The Desert Bibliophile- Review

11/20/2018- Lifestyle of Me- Review

11/21/2018- Moonlight Rendezvous- Review

11/22/2018- Savings in Seconds- Review

11/23/2018- Cindy's Love of Books- Review

Book Review: Drowning Instinct by Ilsa J. Bick

Book Title & Author: Drowning Instinct by Ilsa J. Bick
Published by: Lerner Publishing Group on February 1st, 2012
Genre: Contemporary
Pages: 352
Format: Paperback
Source: Gifted
Goodreads
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Synopsis: There are stories where the girl gets her prince, and they live happily ever after. (This is not one of those stories.)

Jenna Lord’s first sixteen years were not exactly a fairytale. Her father is a controlling psycho and her mother is a drunk. She used to count on her older brother—until he shipped off to Afghanistan. And then, of course, there was the time she almost died in a fire. 

There are stories where the monster gets the girl, and we all shed tears for his innocent victim. (This is not one of those stories either.)

Mitch Anderson is many things: A dedicated teacher and coach. A caring husband. A man with a certain... magnetism. 

And there are stories where it’s hard to be sure who’s a prince and who’s a monster, who is a victim and who should live happily ever after. (These are the most interesting stories of all.)

Drowning Instinct is a novel of pain, deception, desperation, and love against the odds—and the rules.

Review:
I wasn't sure what to expect from this book and to be honest, I was a bit hesitant to read it because I've DNFed another book by this author. I am a big supporter of giving authors more chances to wow me, plus Bekka had gifted me this book several years ago, so I put it on my desk and planned to read it this month.

I wasn't expecting to gobble it down like it was my last meal though. I wasn't expecting to be so captivated by the storytelling and by the characters themselves. Before you go into a book, you probably have some preconceived ideas about the book and about the characters. I know I did, and this book challenged my preconceived ideas from the very beginning. There isn't black & white actions going on here, it's a whole lotta grey actions.

I was expecting to feel sympathy for Jenna and the fact that she is being raised by an alcoholic mother and a psychotic father, and while I did feel a lot of sympathy for her, that wasn't the overwhelming emotion I felt when it came to Jenna. 

There was a lot of innuendo in this book. Things that were hinted out, but never outright stated. Most of that circled around Jenna's grandfather who had suffered 2 strokes shortly after a fire burned his house down around him. There was a lot there that wasn't outright stated, but I could read between the lines and figure out why the fire started and who started it. Not to mention the fact that grandpa was a lecherous old man.

Jenna's relationship with her teacher started out innocently enough, but then it unraveled into a passionate, forbidden romance that definitely seemed toxic at times. It seemed like Mitch Anderson used Jenna as an escape from his own hell. Instead of being a grown ass adult and handling his problems like one, he pulled Jenna into his world and made her the center of his world. Yeah, this relationship was not the healthiest one, the teacher/student thing notwithstanding.

It was true that Jenna needed an adult in her corner, but I do think Mitch Anderson got overly involved with her problems. It was clear to me that he liked "the broken ones" and that thought was echoed by another student who saw things shift between Jenna & Mitch. Jenna's parents weren't really fit to be parents and her older brother was gone, so I guess I shouldn't be shocked that she ended up in the arms of a much older man.

This book was nothing like I was expecting and I'm still not sure what exactly I read, but it was really good. Like dark chocolate good.

Final thoughts: If you want a book with complicated characters & complicated relationships, then you need to pick this book up.

Book Review: Sadie by Courtney Summers

Sadie by Courtney Summers
Published by Wednesday Books on September 4th, 2018
Genre: Thriller
Pages: 311
Format: audiobook
Source: Scribd
Goodreads
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Sadie hasn't had an easy life. Growing up on her own, she's been raising her sister Mattie in an isolated small town, trying her best to provide a normal life and keep their heads above water.

But when Mattie is found dead, Sadie's entire world crumbles. After a somewhat botched police investigation, Sadie is determined to bring her sister's killer to justice and hits the road following a few meagre clues to find him.

When West McCray—a radio personality working on a segment about small, forgotten towns in America—overhears Sadie's story at a local gas station, he becomes obsessed with finding the missing girl. He starts his own podcast as he tracks Sadie's journey, trying to figure out what happened, hoping to find her before it's too late.

Sadie and I got off to a rocky start. I was obviously incredibly excited for this, having read All the Rage a while ago and hungering for another Courtney Summers novel. But something about it just wouldn't allow me to connect. I wanted to read this strangely-formatted book so badly, but it was like there was a wall between me and my eARC. So I eventually gave up and moved onto other books. A couple weeks went by and people started raving about the audiobook and how amazing it was. At the same time, I had just signed up for a trial of Scribd, and lo and behold, they had Sadie. From the moment I pressed Play, I was hooked.

You guys, I can't begin to tell you just how great the audiobook version of this is. It has a full cast; every single person in this has their own voice actor. And since it's written with some chapters as a podcast, it made for an incredible listening experience. There were interviews and recordings and phone calls, as well as the monologue from the radio host. Even the chapters narrated by Sadie had its own actors for the characters she encountered. Also, Sadie had a stutter and the narrator did an amazing job with it; he was all-around fantastic, truly grasping Sadie's range of emotions. I felt compelled by both narrations for wholly different reasons, and I never, ever wanted to turn it off.

So, before I get any deeper into this review, let's get this out in the open: this is not a pleasant book. Trigger warnings for Sadie include: drug abuse, child abuse, childhood sexual abuse, rape, and violence. The subject matter in this book is really, really dark and ugly. I read really dark and ugly fiction sometimes, but this definitely took me to the edge of my comfort zone, and it wasn't even graphic (except in the instance of violence, when Sadie is beaten.) It's the kind of book that is compelling and masterfully written, but you're not exactly sure you enjoyed it and you have to be very cautious when recommending.

I swear, the most positive reviews are the hardest to write. How do I explain how much I loved this? Sadie's quest for revenge was almost addictive. It's not quite clear from the start what's going on in her head, especially since the story starts with the outside perspective of the podcast, The Girls. All we know is Sadie's missing, her sister has been dead for a while, and that's pretty much it. As we move along, we uncover the horrible, dark truths of their lives. While Sadie as a character isn't the most likable (and really, what Courtney Summers character is?) you can't help but feel for her. Her mother was a drug addict and kept a revolving door of really shitty men coming in and out of Sadie's and Mattie's lives. Their mother, Claire, also favored Mattie over Sadie, and quite dramatically. Claire was just the worst kind of parent, and by the time she left, walking out on her 10 and 16 year old daughters, Sadie hated her. 

Sadie has to be one of the most interesting and capable heroines I've ever read about. She does exactly what she says she's going to do. She sets her mind to something and executes it. Maybe not always perfectly, but she never doubts herself, which I loved about her. She's armed with some cash, a car, a switchblade, and not much else, but she somehow travels hundreds of miles, infiltrates friend groups, and takes down a pedophile. She gets people to talk to her, to tell her the information she needs, even when it's clear they don't want to. And she never, ever accepts "no" for an answer.

The only reason I didn't rate this five stars was because of the ending. It's very clear and unambiguous. You, the reader, know what happens. But I wanted that closure for the characters. I wanted that closure for the podcast. I felt like we went from zero to one hundred fifty from the very first page, and never stopped that crazy, neck-breaking pace, until the end, where we hit a wall. It all led up to something not quite enough for the story that came before it. Don't let this deter you from reading though, because it was absolutely fantastic.

When you pick up a Courtney Summers novel, you don't expect warm, fuzzy feelings, you don't expect likeable characters, you don't expect sunshine. But you know you can expect something gripping, powerful, and just so incredibly well-written. You can expect to be blown away. And I was. Sadie is a masterpiece, honestly. If darkness, thrillers, revenge, and sometimes too-heavy topics are at all the things you like to read about, Sadie is for you.

Book Review: A Heart in the Body of the World by Deb Caletti

A Heart in the Body of the World by Deb Caletti
Published on September 18th, 2018 by Simon Pulse
Genre: Contemporary
Format: eARC
Source: Publisher
Pages: 368
Goodreads
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When everything has been taken from you, what else is there to do but run?

So that’s what Annabelle does—she runs from Seattle to Washington, DC, through mountain passes and suburban landscapes, from long lonely roads to college towns. She’s not ready to think about the why yet, just the how—muscles burning, heart pumping, feet pounding the earth. But no matter how hard she tries, she can’t outrun the tragedy from the past year, or the person—The Taker—that haunts her.

Followed by Grandpa Ed in his RV and backed by her brother and two friends (her self-appointed publicity team), Annabelle becomes a reluctant activist as people connect her journey to the trauma from her past. Her cross-country run gains media attention and she is cheered on as she crosses state borders, and is even thrown a block party and given gifts. The support would be nice, if Annabelle could escape the guilt and the shame from what happened back home. They say it isn’t her fault, but she can’t feel the truth of that.

Through welcome and unwelcome distractions, she just keeps running, to the destination that awaits her. There, she’ll finally face what lies behind her—the miles and love and loss…and what is to come. 

Before we get into the review, I wrote a little bit on Goodreads about the content warnings for this book. There is gun violence in this story. If you want to know the details to see if this is the right book for you, see my review. 

Okay, looking at the rating alone, it's clear I didn't outright love this book. But A Heart in the Body of the World tackles a few issues I haven't actually seen very much in fiction, and it does it so well, that I can't discount it. I want to talk about the things it does well first before we get into why it didn't work for me, specifically. Because I do think this is a good book and I do think there are the right readers for this.

There are quite a lot of books about the sexual violence girls face in this society. This is not quite that book--there is no sexual violence, no rape, no assault, nothing quite like that. But this story does look at the subtler side of that coin. The way girls are told to suck it up, to smile, to be nice, to give him a chance. We're told to shut up and be polite and "take it as a compliment." We're constantly being held accountable for the actions of the boys and men in our lives. We are constantly trying to manage and mitigate their feelings. This is not our fucking job but somehow our society has saddled us with this burden. And A Heart in the Body of the World is really, really fed up with this dynamic and takes it to task, and it's GREAT.

The Taker, the shooter, the one who is actually responsible for the violence mentioned earlier, haunts Annabelle. She is running across the country, hundreds of miles away from him, and he is there. She sees him around trail beds, in wheat fields, lurking in hollows and shadows. She can't escape him now, after, much the way she couldn't escape him then. See, in the months leading up to the shooting, The Taker was persistent. He flirted, he found a way into her circle of friends. He texted he called, he set up dates that Annabelle didn't really want to go on. But she had been taught her whole life to be polite, to be nice, to not hurt anyone, so she never spoke up, she never told him no. And this attitude, these rules, are so pervasive. How many of us have been stuck in an uncomfortable situation where the other party didn't necessarily do anything maliciously wrong, so we just took it, even if our alarm bells were ringing? How many of us spoke up in those situations only to be told later on that we should have been nicer, that we should have given him the chance?

I know there must be other books that have tackled this slimy, subtler underside of misogyny and violence against women, but I can't think of any right now.

A few other pluses: the relationship between Annabelle and her grandfather; the romance; the way Annabelle's friends love and support her and rally around her; the inclusion of social media.

While the message and the meaning behind this book were great, it's also still a book, arguably designed for pleasure and entertainment. And I didn't get that from this for the most part. The writing style was not for me (third-person present tense) even if it was the catalyst to get me out of a reading slump. It is fast-paced for sure, but sentences like "Annabelle has to get out of here," or "Annabelle is hungry" just don't do it for me. I kind of understand writing it this way, to be very present and urgent and right in the story. But again, personal preference.

I was completely lacking in emotional connection. I couldn't relate to Annabelle at all; in fact, I feel like I barely know her even after spending a whole book and 2,700 miles with her. I get that she feels like she completely lost herself after the tragedy, but there were two timelines going on and I didn't even connect with her in the past. Outside of the universal stuff I talked about earlier.

This emotional disconnect made it hard for me to feel much when we got to the actual tragedy. I obviously felt the surface-level horror of what was happening to these kids, and I felt the rage about our gun laws here in the United States. I felt the anger present in Annabelle's mission. But I didn't feel grief or despair for the characters themselves. This should have been a heavy and intense moment, but it wasn't for me. And it actually felt kind of... wrong. We have to wait until very, very near the end of the book to find out exactly what The Taker has done. I understand the need for tension and to keep the reader turning the pages. But this felt almost like using the event as a plot twist, a big reveal. The fact is that people, KIDS, are going through this sort of thing daily here, and for some reason using this event in this particular manner did not sit well with me.

All that being said, I still think A Heart in the Body of the World is a good, important, and timely book. It's one with a very relevant message, a loud and urgent voice speaking out about what kids today are dealing with--AND SHOULD NOT BE DEALING WITH. I think it tackles the challenges almost all girls face and does so very, very well. If I could have connected with the characters more, I think it would have easily been a five-star read for me, and I really hope it IS that five-star experience for others.

Book Review: The 11th Hour by Kristine Scarrow

Book Title & Author: The 11th Hour by Kristine Scarrow
Published by: Dundurn on February 24th, 2018
Genre: Contemporary
Pages: 192
Format: eARC
Source: Publisher
Goodreads
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Synopsis: Annika Dietty thinks her future is with Dylan Sopick — until they run away together.

One day, after weeks of secret planning, seventeen-year-old Annika Dietty leaves home at dawn to run away with her boyfriend, the charming and popular Dylan Sopick. She tried telling her friends and family how amazing Dylan is, but seeing as they all seem set against the relationship, she’s decided their only chance is to run away together.

But not everything goes according to plan, and Dylan seems to be having more and more trouble dealing with every obstacle they encounter. At first Annika is sympathetic, knowing that he’s had a harder life than she has, but very soon Dylan’s behaviour becomes unsettling, and Annika realizes that her safety is at stake. She finally admits to herself that Dylan needs help she can’t provide. She wants to get him to help — if she’ll get the chance.

Review:

I think this book is one of the worst books I've ever read. I cannot believe I just said that because I was really excited for this book. I really thought it would be a really good, possibly even thriller-y, kind of book. I should have checked how long this book was because it's nearly impossible to write a good book with this synopsis under 200 pages. In fact, I think it IS impossible.

I really should have DNFed it early on because I knew very early on that this book wasn't just bad, but it was terrible. The book itself was boring, the characters were boring and nothing really happened plotwise.

Annika drove me absolutely insane. How she constantly defended Dylan honestly made me want to scream. How she couldn't understand why her parents AND her friends couldn't stand Dylan. I get it "love is blind" and all that crap, but come on, when EVERYONE is against your boyfriend, maybe you should reconsider dating him? Just a thought Annika.

Sorry, not gonna give a pass to Dylan just because he has a mental illness. I'm sorry he struggles with a mental illness, but that's no reason to be an absolute dick to everyone he meets. Even Annika's longtime platonic guy friend. So what, Annika has a guy friend, that doesn't automatically mean he wants to get into her pants. In fact, I think this book does a huge disservice to those who have a mental illness. I actually think this book could be quite dangerous to those who are vulnerable. 

This book does not sing the praises of medication or therapy, which is dangerous. Medication and/or therapy is vital to those with mental illnesses and this book demonizes those things. I cannot like a book that does that.

We will never know if Dylan's mental illness caused his extremely controlling nature, but aside from his mood swings, Dylan's controlling personality was what stuck out to me. I kept yelling at Annika to get a freaking backbone, which she didn't until much later. Later when things got more messed up and there was blood on human hands.

Final thoughts: Given the way this book handles mental illness, I will absolutely not be recommending it. Give this book a VERY wide berth.

Book Review: If Only by Jennifer Gilmore

Book Title & Author: If Only by Jennifer Gilmore
Published by: HarperTeen on July 31st, 2018
Genre: Contemporary
Pages: 288
Format: eARC
Source: Publisher
Goodreads
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Synopsis: Before:

When Bridget imagined her life at sixteen, it didn’t look like this. She didn’t think that her boyfriend would dump her for another girl. And she certainly didn’t think that she would be pregnant. With just a few months until she gives birth, Bridget must envision an entirely new future—one for her baby. But as she sifts through the many paths and the many people who want to parent her child, she can’t help but feel that there is no right decision.

After:

Ivy doesn’t know much about her birth mother. She knows that she is now the same age Bridget was when she placed Ivy for adoption. She knows that Bridget was the one who named her. And she knows that fifteen years ago Bridget disappeared from Ivy’s and her adoptive moms’ lives. Ivy wants to discover more about herself, but as she goes to find Bridget, she can’t help but feel that the risks might far outweigh the benefits of knowing where she comes from and why her birth mother chose to walk away. 

Review:
I absolutely hate to be disappointed in books. In fact, I think it's my least favorite feeling ever. I had very negative feelings about her YA debut, We Were Never Here, but I decided to give her second YA book a shot. After all, it was a topic hardly ever broached in YA, so I was hoping it would be beautiful.

Not only was it not beautiful, but it was confusing as heck. Not only were there alternating timelines: Bridget's & Ivy's lives 17 years apart, but there were also random chapters about what would have happened to Ivy if Bridget had chosen another family for her. For each family Bridget considered, there was a what if chapter about their lives with Ivy. There were way too many characters involved in this book and none of them were developed well.

I was excited about this book because teen pregnancy & adoption stories are so rare in the YA universe. I was totally uninterested in either Bridget or Ivy's stories. Bridget had this irritating idyllic nature about her that really drove me insane. I know she was 16, but she was so naive about what it takes to raise a baby and how hard it was going to be. She wanted to raise the baby with her best friend Dahlia. Personally, I think Bridget had feelings for Dahlia, but they were ones she could never explore because of her super religious upbringing. Bridget's sexual orientation was never talked about, but was definitely insinuated.

Also, she really let the baby's father, Baylor get away with a LOT of crap. Like most importantly, not insisting that he meet ALL of the adoptive families Bridget was considering. He only met the first one and the last one. I actually happened to agree with Bridget & Baylor's parents: He was there for the beginning, he needed to be there for ALL of it.

I did want Ivy to meet her mother. I was super excited and hopeful for that scene. I was desperately hoping for some character development for Ivy at least. Bit we didn't get any of that. In fact, Ivy & Bridget's reunion happened off the page and I am still really, really annoyed by that. I wanted to see it on the page. I wanted to feel the emotions that were so completely lacking in this book. But nothing. 

I felt nothing positive the entire time I read this book and I really hate saying that.

Final thoughts: From the underdeveloped & flat characters to the massively confusing timelines to the addition of dozens of characters that were just there, this is a book that I would not recommend.

Book Review: Harbor Me by Jacqueline Woodson

Harbor Me by Jacqueline Woodson
Published by Nancy Paulsen Books on August 28th, 2018
Genre: Contemporary
Pages: 192
Format: eARC
Source: Publisher
Goodreads
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Jacqueline Woodson's first middle-grade novel since National Book Award winner Brown Girl Dreaming celebrates the healing that can occur when a group of students share their stories.

It all starts when six kids have to meet for a weekly chat—by themselves, with no adults to listen in. There, in the room they soon dub the ARTT Room (short for "A Room to Talk"), they discover it's safe to talk about what's bothering them—everything from Esteban's father's deportation and Haley's father's incarceration to Amari's fears of racial profiling and Ashton's adjustment to his changing family fortunes. When the six are together, they can express the feelings and fears they have to hide from the rest of the world. And together, they can grow braver and more ready for the rest of their lives.

I don't read a whole lot of middle-grade literature simply because it's not for me.  Not that I think it's below me or too juvenile or simple. But because sometimes you're just not the target audience for a piece of media, and that is okay. But this is Jacqueline Woodson, so I had to. I just had to. I've read some of her books in the past and they've always been great, so I knew this wouldn't disappoint.

I have to say Harbor Me was also not written for me. I'll never have to experience the things these kids are forced to see every day. My family is not at risk for deportation, my parents are not in prison, and I certainly don't have to endure racism everywhere I go. I think it'd be easy for someone with privilege like me to write this book off, but I really hope that those of you who are in that position take a different path. I think this book is the perfect outlet, especially for kids, to learn different perspectives and to see themselves on the page. This book doesn't shy away from these heavy topics at all. Esteban's father disappears on the way to work one night only to resurface hundreds of miles away in a detention center. Tiago tells us about his beautiful, vibrant, Spanish-speaking mother, and how that colorful personality of hers is dimmed by the racist comments they receive on the street, just for talking to one another in their native tongue. Amari's father has to sit him down one day and explain to Amari that toy guns are off limits now, because of what happened to Tamir Rice. Harbor Me takes these stories some of us only see in the news, happening to other people, and puts a character, a story, a family to them.

The writing was beautiful, I loved these kids, and I thought the structure of the book was interesting. I loved the back and forth, past and present, of Haley's narration. She's living with her uncle, for now, while her father is in prison for vehicular manslaughter, a car crash that resulted in the death of Haley's mother. She visits her father in prison. She wonders about her mother. She loves her uncle as the only father figure she truly knows and has fears and anxieties about her father coming home and upending the life she's used to. While that's happening, she's relaying the last school year to the reader through memories and a sound recording device.

The only real flaw I saw in this book, which took me completely out of the story at times, it was so jarring, was the way the kids would talk. I understand dialect and slang; those weren't the problem. What I didn't like were the big, profound tangents these kids would go on. They were only in fifth and sixth grade, but they were speaking like philosophers. Like John Green characters. I mean, I know it's been some time since middle school, but I don't remember anyone talking this way when I was a kid. Some of it was so saccharine I had to roll my eyes a bit.

I hope this book reaches the people it needs to reach: the kids who are reflected in its pages. But I also hope others will pick it up, see the name Jacqueline Woodson, see all her awards, and read this book. It's timely. It's truthful and holds no punches. It's beautifully written and features a cast of kids who you can't help but want to love and protect.

Book Review: Four-Letter Word by Christa Desir

Book Title & Author: Four-Letter Word by Christa Desir
Published by: Simon Pulse on May 15th, 2018
Genre: Contemporary
Pages: 416
Format: Hardcover
Source: Purchased
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Synopsis: 
Eight friends. One game. A dozen regrets. And a night that will ruin them all, in this high stakes gripping story of manipulation and innocence lost, from the author of Bleed Like Me.

Chloe Sanders has wasted the better part of her junior year watching her best friend Eve turn away from her for the more interesting and popular Holly Reed. Living with her grandparents because her parents are currently serving as overseas volunteers, Chloe spends her days crushing on a dark-haired guy named Mateo, being mostly ignored by Eve and Holly, and wishing the cornfields of Iowa didn’t feel so incredibly lonely.

But shortly after spring break, a new girl transfers to her high school—Chloe Donnelly. This Chloe is bold and arty and instantly placed on a pedestal by Eve and Holly. Now suddenly everyone is referring to Chloe Sanders as “Other Chloe” and her social status plummets even more.

Until Chloe Donnelly introduces all her friends to a dangerous game: a girls vs. guys challenge that only has one rule—obtain information by any means necessary. All the warning bells are going off in Other Chloe’s head about the game, but she’s not about to commit social suicide by saying no to playing.

Turns out the game is more complicated than Other Chloe thinks. Chloe Donnelly hates to lose. She's got power over everyone—secrets she’s exploiting—and she likes to yank their strings. Only soft-spoken Mateo is sick of it, and when the game turns nasty, he chooses Other Chloe to help him expose everything Chloe Donnelly has done. But neither realize just how much the truth could cost them in the end.

Review: 
I will read anything Christa writes. She is one of my auto-read/auto-buy authors and she has been ever since I read Fault Line several years ago. I was super excited to get my hands on this book. It looked dark, compelling and very character driven, which are all things that I enjoy in books and awhile I did enjoy parts of it, it wasn't as good as her previous books were.

The two biggest issues I had were: character development and pacing. There was character development, particularly for Chloe S., or "other Chloe" as she was nicknamed as well as character development for Mateo & Chloe Donnelly, but the other five players in this game called Gestapo? Yeah, not nearly enough character development. We learn their secrets because Chloe Donnelly learns their secrets, but I wanted so much more in the way of character development. Especially for Other Chloe's closest friends, Holly & Eve. 

In a book like this one, character development for all the main players has to be the most import thing, but to have decent character development for only 3 out of the 8 players in this game was very disappointing to me. I felt like even Other Chloe's parents and grandparents were better fleshed out than Cam, Aiden, Holly, Eve & Josh were. I definitely didn't expect that and like I said, I desperately wanted more.

The pacing also really bothered me and to be honest, I felt like there was quite a bit that could have been removed from the book. Certain things that slowed the book down. In a book like this, I was expecting a fast paced book with not a lot of "filler" and that wasn't what I got with this book. Surprisingly, I don't feel like Other Chloe's romance with Mateo was filler. I freaking LOVED them together and the way the book ended, just tore up my insides.

Final thoughts: If there was a bit more character development and smoother pacing, I think I would have loved this book. I will still continue to read Christa Desir's books, but this one was not my favorite.

Book Review: And She Was by Jessica Verdi

Book Title & Author: And She Was by Jessica Verdi
Published by: Scholastic on March 27th, 2018
Genre: Contemporary
Pages: 361
Format: eARC
Source: Publisher
Goodreads
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Synopsis: Dara’s lived a sheltered life with her single mom, Mellie. Now, at eighteen, she’s dreaming of more. When Dara digs up her never-before-seen birth certificate, her world implodes. Why are two strangers listed as her parents? 

Dara confronts her mother, and is stunned by what she learns: Mellie is transgender. The unfamiliar name listed under “father”? That’s Mellie. She transitioned when Dara was a baby, shortly after Dara’s birth mother died.

But Dara still has more questions than answers. Reeling, she sets off on a road trip with her best guy friend, Sam. She's determined to find the extended family she’s never met. What she discovers—and what her mother reveals, piece by piece over emails—will challenge and change Dara more than she can imagine. 

From rising star Jessica Verdi, this is a gorgeous, timely, and essential novel about the importance of being our true selves.

Review:
I just love Jessica Verdi's books. I've been a fan of hers since I started blogging and have read the last 3 of her books, including this one, in ARC form. She just has this ability to write diverse stories with diverse settings & interesting characters and this book was no different.

June was the perfect month to read this book because of course it's Pride Month. I was excited to dive into this book and really see what happened with Mellie & her eventual transition and what happened with Dara's biological mother. I wanted to see how Dara found out and how she would react to the news.

Dara frustrated me a lot of the time. She took it so personally that Mellie never told her about her past. She was so angry with her mother and that really bothered me. I know Dara was only eighteen, but compassion and empathy go a long way. Dara frequently stated that her mother was selfish for never disclosing this earth-shattering secret, but Dara herself was being selfish with her insistence that her mother lied to her about her whole life, never even thinking about what the past eighteen plus years had been like for Mellie. She was just so angry with Mellie for "lying" to her, but like Mellie told her, it's not a crime to not come out as trans. It's not Dara who gets to decide who knows about Mellie's transition. It's Mellie.

I had issues with the budding romance between Dara & Sam. I liked them so much better as just friends. Their romance seemed forced to me, and I didn't see a whole lot of chemistry between them. I do think the book would have been stronger without the romance subplot. I did like how Sam called her out on her attitude and then later corrected people who misgendered her mother. Sam seemed to understand the trans issues a lot better than Dara did, and he seemed more willing to learn about than than Dara was.

I loved the emails about Mellie's past that she sent to Dara while Dara & Sam were on the quest to find Dara's biological maternal grandparents. I felt like that gave an extra something to the book rather than just having Mellie explain everything at the kitchen table or something as equally cliche. 

After awhile, the reasons Mellie distanced herself & Dara from both sides of the family became abundantly clear and even Dara couldn't argue with them. There were parts that I was horrified over, sickened over and downright angry about. But, to Mellie's credit, she let Dara figure it out on her own and that allowed her to form her own opinions.

Final thoughts: A book about a trans parent is so rare in the world, and I really wish there were more of them, but this is a start. Pick up this book if you are looking for a book about a trans parent or if you just want a really good book that tackles important issues head on.

Book Review: Little Monsters by Kara Thomas

Book Title & Author: Little Monsters by Kara Thomas
Published by: Delacorte Press on July 25th, 2017
Genre: Contemporary
Pages: 336
Format: Hardcover
Source: Purchased
Goodreads
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Synopsis:

Kacey is the new girl in Broken Falls. When she moved in with her father, she stepped into a brand-new life. A life with a stepbrother, a stepmother, and strangest of all, an adoring younger half sister.
Kacey’s new life is eerily charming compared with the wild highs and lows of the old one she lived with her volatile mother. And everyone is so nice in Broken Falls—she’s even been welcomed into a tight new circle of friends. Bailey and Jade invite her to do everything with them.
Which is why it’s so odd when they start acting distant. And when they don’t invite her to the biggest party of the year, it doesn’t exactly feel like an accident.
But Kacey will never be able to ask, because Bailey never makes it home from that party. Suddenly, Broken Falls doesn’t seem so welcoming after all—especially once everyone starts looking to the new girl for answers.
Kacey is about to learn some very important lessons: Sometimes appearances can be deceiving. Sometimes when you’re the new girl, you shouldn’t trust anyone. 

Review:

I don't know why it took me so long to buy this book. Especially knowing how obsessed I was with The Darkest Corners. When I got this book at the beginning of June, I didn't wait too long before I jumped into it. I knew almost immediately that I was going to love it.I on;y intended to read a little bit of it at a time in order to savor it. Whelp, I read the entire thing in one afternoon.

I had so many questions. About Kacey, Bailey and Jade. Not to mention Kacey's siblings: Stepbrother Andrew & half sister Lauren. Add in her stepmother, Ashley & her father who she barely knows and Kacey's circle was filled with intrigue.

I had my suspicions on who was responsible for Bailey's disappearance from the beginning, but like a truly awesome thriller, my suspicions were challenged and sometimes outright disproved along the way. I loved the ride I was on. I kept coming up with crazier and crazier theories that could fit and would explain Bailey's disappearance. 

This book made it impossible for me to trust anyone. I basically accused everyone in some way or the other. Because of the hints we got about Kacey's previous life with her mom, I actually thought it was her for a long time. Certain things come to light that made me rethink my suspicions.

Plotwise, this book was PERFECT. Like I said, it kept me guessing, kept my suspicions up & nearly constantly changing.

I want so much to keep talking about this book, but I really want to avoid spoilers, so I'll keep this review short and just tell you all to read it if you haven't already.

Final thoughts: If you like thrillers that keep you guessing, pick up this book.

Book Review: People Like Us by Dana Mele

Book Title & Author: People Like Us by Dana Mele
Published by: G. P. Putnam's Sons Books for Young Readers on February 27th, 2018
Genre: Contemporary
Pages: 384
Format: Hardcover
Source: Purchased
Goodreads
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Synopsis:
Kay Donovan may have skeletons in her closet, but the past is past, and she's reinvented herself entirely. Now she's a star soccer player whose group of gorgeous friends run their private school with effortless popularity and acerbic wit. But when a girl's body is found in the lake, Kay's carefully constructed life begins to topple. 
The dead girl has left Kay a computer-coded scavenger hunt, which, as it unravels, begins to implicate suspect after suspect, until Kay herself is in the crosshairs of a murder investigation. But if Kay's finally backed into a corner, she'll do what it takes to survive. Because at Bates Academy, the truth is something you make...not something that happened.

Review:
I was massively excited for this book. I mean, anytime someone says the words "boarding school murder mystery", I perk up my ears. Those are buzzwords for me. I was nervous though. I was so excited about another book recently and that one ended up disappointing me in a huge way. So, I was very apprehensive about starting this book.

I was hooked less than 50 pages into it and I couldn't have been more excited about that. Now this book was what I'd call a psychological thriller and by now, you all should know that psychological thrillers are my favorite thrillers of all time.

Oh my god, I was totally obsessed with this book and ended up reading the majority of it in one day. I love when I can do that because it means that I'm enjoying the book and that it's a compelling book. It's hard to find a compelling thriller sometimes, but oh boy, this ticked all the boxes.

And hello, I loved all the lesbian romances in this book. I wasn't expecting it, but it only made me love the book more. There were some lesbian love triangles too. Normally, I cannot stand love triangles, but I was so obsessed with the murder mystery aspect of this book that the love triangles were a minor annoyance for me.

I'm trying to remember where I read that this book was a cross between Pretty Little Liars & Mean Girls (Goodreads, maybe?) because that was a pretty accurate comparison. It had the Mean Girls aspect with Kay, Brie, Tai, Tricia & Cori and it had the Pretty Little Liars aspect with someone taunting someone else through technology, whether it was a computer or a cell phone.

Those girls were important to the story, but my obsession was with Nola. Oh my god, I was so obsessed with her. She was the "weird girl" who Kay enlisted to help her crack Jessica's website, where all the taunts began. I am a sucker for complex characters and although Kay was complex, so was Nola. Incidentally I called Nola, Nala for a good chunk of the book. I blame my longtime love of The Lion King for that.

The book was so creepy and atmospheric and that was one of it's many pluses. Mele did a great job at setting the scene. I could see myself at Bates. I could visualize all of the girls in my head.

I had no idea who the murderer was. I had my suspicions of a few people, but nothing totally concrete. The reveal was excellent though and although I know some people had some issues with the end, it was the end that boosted this book to a five star rating for me.

Final thoughts: This book was so atmospheric, set in a boarding school, with a murder mystery. It was totally an Alexia book, so YES you need to pick up a copy.

Book Review: Girl Made of Stars by Ashley Herring Blake

Girl Made of Stars by Ashley Herring Blake

Published by HMH on May 15th, 2018
Genres: contemporary
Pages: 304
Format: eARC
Source: Publisher
Goodreads
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"I need Owen to explain this. Because yes, I do know that Owen would never do that, but I also know Hannah would never lie about something like that."

Mara and Owen are about as close as twins can get. So when Mara's friend Hannah accuses Owen of rape, Mara doesn't know what to think. Can the brother she loves really be guilty of such a violent crime? Torn between the family she loves and her own sense of right and wrong, Mara is feeling lost, and it doesn't help that things have been strained with her ex and best friend since childhood, Charlie.

As Mara, Hannah, and Charlie navigate this new terrain, Mara must face a trauma from her own past and decide where Charlie fits in her future. With sensitivity and openness, this timely novel confronts the difficult questions surrounding consent, victim blaming, and sexual assault.

I'm writing this review in January and I don't know if I'll be recovered by the time this review goes up. This book absolutely gutted me. Like I was sobbing in my bed at midnight, hoping I wouldn't wake anyone up. This book was incredibly difficult for me to read for multiple reasons. One: I was a victim of sexual assault twice. One by a classmate in high school & once in my early 20's by a man I had known since I was six. Two: My brother is Owen's age and while he does have his issues, I couldn't imagine him ever hurting a girl and the idea that he could twisted my stomach into knots As a sister this book raised so many questions for me. As a victim of sexual assault, it raised even more questions. My heart ached for Hannah & for Mara. I could see myself in both of their positions. The way Mara's family automatically believed Owen's version of the story bothered me. I couldn't believe that they thought Hannah would make something like this up. I understand wanting to believe your son & brother would never hurt anyone, but blind loyalty is insane. I sure don't think I would be able to blindly trust that my brother didn't do this. It would be incredibly hard, but I think my loyalty would align with the victim And for the most part, that's where Mara's loyalty stayed. That caused some problems with her once close family. Her mother, in particular refused to believe that Owen could have done this horrible thing. Her father actually seemed to be a lot more neutral on the subject. Owen held steadfast in his innocence. I wasn't surprised by that, but it did make me angry. I wanted Owen to admit his crime. Hannah deserved that. His family deserved that. Yet, he kept his mouth shut.

"So...what do we do?" Mara 
"What do you mean?" Mom 
"I mean what do we do? What's going to happen to Owen? And Hannah...we can't just not listen to her. You've always said we have to listen to girls no matter-" Mara 
"He's ours Mara. He's my son. And we love him. That's what we do." Mom

I wasn't sure how Mara's ex was going to play into all of this, but it turned out she was also friends with Hannah. I was so excited that Mara was bisexual. I love that we're finally getting a lot more bisexual representation in YA. I've only been out for about ten years, but I had known for at least 4 years prior to that. But more on Charlie later. I loved that Mara held meetings and did a monthly newspaper called Empower. I would have loved to have been a part of that in school. Her plans to challenge the sexist dress code go out the window when Hannah makes her accusation. I know I touched on this earlier, but the waves of responses after Hannah tells people what happened made me so angry. Most of them were on Team Owen, which means they thought she was lying about what happened. When a girl gets raped society says:

"Oh, well look at what she's wearing." 
"She's had sex before, so it's not rape." 
"She's slept with him before, so it's not rape." 
"She shouldn't have been drinking." 
"She can't change her mind halfway through."

Among other despicable things. When a guy is accused of rape, the responses are quite different.

"He's a good kid."
"He's an athlete." 
"He's from a good family." 
"He's well liked." 
"There's no way he did this."

Notice something about the stark contrast? Yeah a fuck-ton of slut shaming is what the girls-the VICTIMS have to deal with. And people still wonder why women don't come forward. It's because of this. Because of the refusal to believe them and the treatment of those who do report. Charlie was awesome. I loved the hell out of her from nearly the beginning. Sure she and Mara had a complicated history, but they were still able to be friends, although there was jealousy & akwardness when it came to Charlie's new girlfriend and later on, Alex, the boy Mara was sort of seeing. And by sort of, I mean Alex and Mara were kinda using each other for comfort. See, Alex was Owen's best friend, and he was struggling with the idea that his friend could have done this. Anyway, back to Charlie. I think this was the first book I've read with a non-binary character. There absolutely needs to be more. I loved the conversation Charlie and Mara had about her preferred pronouns. I found that conversation incredibly relevant as I have had to have that conversation more than once. I would never want to insult someone by using the incorrect pronoun. My distaste for Owen only grew as the book went on. The obvious disrespect he had for women, even his own sister, made me ragey.

"There's no way I'm letting my sister go to school like that." Owen 
"I'm sorry...Let me?" Mara 
"Yeah, let you. You think I want everyone in school staring at your...at your...Who are you supposed to be, slutty school girl?" Owen

My heart broke even more for Mara after this conversation. I felt sick to my stomach at the way Owen was treating her just because of the clothes she chose to wear. Disgustingly, this is how women & girls are treated in our society. Instead of feeling disgusted by what happens to them, people just blame the assault on what the girls were wearing. Final thoughts: Read this beautiful book, let your heart break and marvel at the strength of victims.